Being a mother is such a wonderful gift from the Lord and something most women have a deep longing for. Pregnancy, the whole experience in anticipation of a baby…. those who have been through it will testify how joyful and magical it can be. And finally, the moment when you hear the first cry of your new born!!!!!! Oh, words cannot express the joy!!!
This time, when I got to know that I was pregnant…..the excitement and the delight!!! This was in the first week of December. Felt extremely nauseous to the point I just couldn’t eat my own food…. eventually dropped cooking altogether!! The things family and I myself put-up with….. all for the sake of the one in anticipation!!! I really enjoyed all the pampering from my husband and my mother, and not to mention my friends in church!!
In January, my husband had to visit his home town for a while, and my mom left for Mumbai for some work. So it was my dad, my sister, my son and myself! My dad, who is suffering from cancer really needs someone to assist him, with the whole diet regime, supplements and juices that he has to take. I really enjoyed spending time with him, reading the bible and having discussions together which we really like doing as a family.
My visit to the doctor was due, was not very comfortable with the present doctor and wanted to see Dr. Urvashi Sehgal instead at Phoenix. It was the day before my husband arrived that I talked to him and on an impulse, I think it was more an instinct that drove me, went to do the Ultra Sound test for viability as written by the doctor(because of a previous miscarriage, the doc said that the test was only to satisfy my conscience). All my excitement and expectancy…all thwarted in just that hour!! It was my twelfth week and the baby was formed no more than six. My heart skipped a beat to hear this….being all alone, my husband and my mother both were out of town. The things that raced through my mind: what did I do wrong?? I should have done this….and I should have taking that… I wish I had taken rosemary teas…. and so on! I was quickly reminded not to go down that route! Think of it… there are many that do everything wrong and still deliver perfectly normal babies. Look at Rachel Crow, the X factor contestant, who was born a crack baby, her biological mother was on crack cocaine in her pregnancy… think of the threat to the fetus!! And yet, in spite of her mother being incautious, look at her now! No disabilities, a well behaved teenager with a deep affection toward her adoptive mother! Really since I would like to try again, condemning myself will take me nowhere, however focussing on nourishing my body for the next try seems more like it!
This was not my first miscarriage, my second. (However, I am so thankful that I am blessed with a son, 3yrs. now) My first miscarriage was traumatic, multiple reasons for that. One, definitely was my wrong perception to the whole episode. Believe me, I have learnt my lesson the hard way… a right perception is the key if you want to sail through a storm. Or rest assured you WILL be shipwrecked!
In such a time…. I have to say that I am blessed with a wonderful church…. a great circle of selfless friends, more than ever willing to be there. When I spoke to Probhita (my friend, my Pastor’s wife) from the hospital, she said, “ I’m just leaving right now” There is no better place to be than in the church’s wing… hanging around the people of God, those who genuinely care and bolster your faith, and being under good teaching to uplift you and fortify your mind in a storm.
I view this as from the hand of the Lord. It’s so reassuring, that He is more than able to give me my hearts desire! Just trusting God about everything! I could very well waste a lot of time thinking: Why did this happen, especially the second time? Could it happen again? But, what I have come to learn is that there is no better way to be comforted than to know (really understand) that God is in control. JUST TRUST HIM, specially when it’s beyond your power to do anything! The only solution to life’s problems: I say it again TRUST HIM. I think I missed this truth the first time and suffered serious consequences. I hate to admit it but it is true! So now, I always want to view life (the everyday and more so the unexpected trials) as an opportunity presenting itself to exercise faith, trusting in the plan of God!
There are so many that go through miscarriages with no support from family. And I…. I feel so blessed to have such a wonderful husband that loves me and was such a support to me. He gave me a day off to just wallow in any thing I desired. Fixed breakfast, lunch and dinner, took care of Nathan. This whole week, he fixed breakfast for the family! I felt totally pampered. Friends in church eager to lend a helping hand! My mom, cooking some of my old time favorites! I am truly, extraordinarily blessed!
So as I move on and the storm subsides, my comfort verse for this season:
Proverbs 3:5 – 6 “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”
One more thing…there’s one advice on anyone that has had a miscarriage- opt for a D&C and not the misoprostol pills. But just ensure you have an experienced doctor doing it. Taking the pills in my first miscarriage really wore me out! Going through the D& C was a breeze!